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Tuesday, February 08, 2005
An old writer's exercise is to write vignettes from childhood memories. It's supposed to get your creativity going and all that, but sometimes it can bring about some embarrassing things to your brain.
I made the mistake of thinking about stuff I used to pray for...it became a mistake becuase of how long I was able to extend that line of thought beyond childhood and into adulthood.
Sure, like everybody else who got saved when they were young, I remember praying to God like He was some sort of Santa Claus. You know, I prayed for bikes and tickets to games, and various things I wanted. That's not really what I'm talking about.
I'm talking about other stuff, that if answered, my life would've turned out VERY differently.
I prayed that my father would recover from his coma.
I prayed that God would change various answers on almost every test I ever took.
I prayed that I would get the baseball scholarship to a particular college.
I prayed that I would marry the high school sweetheart.
I prayed that I would get a particular job in the business sector.
I prayed that I could keep my job with Youth for Christ.
I prayed that I would get a fellowship with a Christian think-tank in Switzerland.
I prayed that both of my wife's pregnancies would result in twins or triplets.
I prayed that we would be able to purchase a particular house.
I prayed that I would get a particular church job in North Carolina.
Now, for the sake of avoiding huge embarrassment, all of those are examples that are at least 10 years old. And there's a common theme that runs through them if you read between the lines.
In each of those cases, I don't remember heeding Jesus' words in the Lord's Prayer to pray "not my will, God, but yours be done" in the answering of these prayers. What I remember very distinctly is asking God and hoping He'd give me the desires of my heart. For some reason, as Christians, we are real good at remembering that verse and real convenient at forgetting Christ's admonition in prayer.
It wasn't God's will that my father recover from his coma.
It wasn't God's will that I get incredible grades in high school which would've changed my educational options (actually, it's more God's will that my grades were an accurate reflection of what I truly learned, which was about a 75 or so no matter what).
It wasn't God's will for me to play baseball at that particular college.
It wasn't God's will that I would marry the high school sweetheart.
It wasn't God's will that I would got that bank job.
It wasn't God's will for me to stay with YFC.
It wasn't God's will for me to go to L'Abri in Switzerland.
It wasn't God's will for us to have twins or triplets or quints.
It wasn't God's will for us to move into that house.
It wasn't God's will that I work at that great church in North Carolina.
And in each one of those answers to prayer there was pain and disappointment in my mind...maybe not so much with my daughters being born, but I still really wanted twins. I wonder if it's because I didn't finish those prayers with something like, "God, I really want this, but more than that, I want Your will to be done in my life more than anything, so reveal your will to me so I can be content with that reality."
I was much more into how I thought God should answer the prayers for my life. Sometimes, I really believe I know what's best for me. The reality is that on the flip side of all those prayer requests, God's will has turned out to be better than I could've ever imagined.
Because of the death of my father, I've learned some personal lessons that have helped me minister to teenagers more effectively...not to mention that I learned some private things about dependence on God and what it's like to try to live my own life.
The lessons I learned in high school weren't repeated when I went to seminary, and learning to depend on God to learn about Him was paramount in that environment.
I'm a better parent and minister because of a proper perspective on athletic achievement.
I definitely married the right girl for me and my ministry.
Me, at a bank for a living? What was I thinking?
My spiritual gift isn't evangelism, and YFC's main goal is that very thing.
If I'd gone to Switzerland, I likely would've sacrificed my relationship with Tracy.
I was exhausted all the time with "single" births.
Our house is perfect for our ministry now, in location and "tone."
My church now is more my speed than that church in North Carolina.
In retrospect, it seems so clear that God knew better than I did in each of those really big decisions.
At the time, it seemed so clear that my solution to each situation was more beneficial than anything God could come up with.
And isn't that the issue?
That Jesus would tell us to pray that God's will would be done instead of our own? Really, wouldn't we be more secure knowing that we have an opinion, but that God's will would be done?
And I think if we were honest with ourselves, and looked back on all the stuff we pray for and how God answered it better than even our truly wildest dream...well...I suspect we'd all admit that we're no good at running our lives.
Finally, can you imagine how life would've been different if Jesus Himself had failed to pray that the Father's will be done right after He told the Father that He wanted the "cup taken from Him" in the Garden of Gethsemene?
See, admitting that we really want His will done for us sets us free, knowing that we have a Father that loves us, cares for us, and knows better for us than we do for ourselves.
So for today, think through what you've been asking God for and then praying for the will of God to be revealed to you in what you've been asking for...and see what difference that makes in your prayer life.
Brent 4:01 AM
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