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Tuesday, May 10, 2005
I was discontent.
And I had no reason to be.
I mean, we had just finished our ministry's yearly annual September kick-off event called the "Burger Bash" with unprecedented attendance. Enthusiasm for our ministry was high. I had recently gotten a promotion. Some of my writing had been published in an "in-house" journal for staff. Tracy and I were enjoying the benefits of being part of a community through our involvement in that community--the kids were throwing us baby showers and their parents (knowing we were struggling financially) were showing us love in all sorts of ways. Things couldn't have been better.
So, why was I sitting on my porch swing feeling as if I was in the wrong place?
Maybe it had something to do with the reality that the organization I worked for was, and still is, known for reaching lost teenagers. And in our ministry, no one had come to know the Lord in two years. Never mind that, at one time, we had over 100 high schoolers a week involved in our small group Bible studies.
I began to feel like I wasn't being true to myself...it was obvious that my gifts were in discipleship, not evangelism. I began to feel as if I couldn't stay in that organization because their focus WAS on evangelism (even though my bosses seemed very pleased at what we were doing). I began to feel very tired because of our dependence on the parents to help my family out with groceries and car repairs and things like that. Money was VERY tight.
I had even felt that I should've been in a church. I went on one interview right after Shelby was born and it went brilliantly. I didn't get the job because I didn't have a seminary degree. Another local church in our neighborhood wanted me to become their youth pastor but I couldn't do it after some improprieties in the search and withdrew my name when I found them out. The last straw was when the church I grew up in spiritually told me that I couldn't get an interview because I didn't have a seminary degree. All this with 5 years' youth ministry experience, too...which almost nobody has.
So, I pretty much figured that God was leading me to seminary. And there was one I really wanted to go to but couldn't afford. There was another I really didn't want to go to and disagreed with on some minor docrtinal points but gave me some serious scholarship money. Plus, I could always stay where I was. Maybe that was an answer. But I had a wife and two kids to consider.
I took a cue from Acts 13: 1--4. We learn that in Antioch, the church had some gifted servants and "While they were ministering to the Lord and fasting, the Holy Spirit said, 'Set apart for Me Barnabas and Saul for the work which I have called them.' Then, when they had fasted and prayed, and laid hands on them, they sent them away. So, being sent out by the Holy Spirit..."
Yesterday we talked about fasting and the reality that it should be a part of our walks, and we left off the "what" and "why" questions.
Fasting, in this instance, involved doing without food and water for a specified period of time. They "why" is to seek specific direction from the Lord...it might be a decision you're trying to make or a sin you're trying to deal with.
That's what the church was doing in the Acts account. They had all these gifted servants and were seeking the Lord's will with a ministry...they just wanted to know "who" and "where."
And that's what Tracy and I did. I chose to fast for lunch every day for a week. Just sit and think and pray and then LISTEN...I've never heard an audible voice from the Lord but I think in instances like this the Holy Spirit guides our thoughts. Sometimes, I take a journal and write these thoughts down and process them later.
And that final Friday, early on, I was convinced that God wanted me to take the more expensive option, which would create all kinds of inconvenience on me, my family, financially, my career, my teenagers, everybody and everything. It really didn't make logical sense at all, what God was telling us to do. But I had this incredible peace about it.
As it turns out, all those concerns were alleviated in short order. Once we acted on that decision through fasting, all sorts of prayer requests came together: Our house sold in hours (when two others on our street were on the market longer); we got scholarship money; jobs fell into place; moving expenses were paid by the students we were moving away from (how gracious is that?); and Tracy still could be a stay at home mom.
But, even if those thing hadn't transpired, I would still have learned something from the experience...maybe more about me and my ability to listen, something like that...
But fasting is an excellent way to seek God's will in specific areas, and I hope you'll develop that discipline as needed.
For today, have you tried fasting, and what was the experience like for you?
Brent 4:16 AM
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