Peripatetics: The Art of Walking
Saturday, May 21, 2005
It was as stressed as I'd ever been.
It all started when the Internal Revenue Service sent some people to our office and I was the only one there. My boss hadn't shown up yet. They had all sorts of documents saying they had the right to go through our financial records.
Turns out my boss had made some mistakes in accounting. Honest mistakes. Well-meaning mistakes, but mistakes nonetheless. People quit the ministry. The boss lost that position. I was the only one left on staff--really because I had nowhere else to go.
There was now extreme financial hardship and a vital reality: Our ministry depended on the support of people's donations. Our reputation was sullied, and there was no ministry (except my own) to promote since everyone left. I found out quickly that people don't like giving to ministries with tarnished reputations and they certainly don't like giving money to make up for mistakes of the past.
One particular week, it got very bad. The I.R.S. put a lein on our bank account. The health insurance company was considering cancelling our coverage because of a series of slow pays the year before. The organization I worked for was considering pulling our charter...meaning we'd lose our tax-exempt status and couldn't raise money.
I spent nearly 75 hours that week on the phone and fax and in meetings because I wanted to save the ministry I had...and, let's be honest, my job.
I was eating a steady stream of fast food.
I was sleeping poorly, and even then in short spurts.
I wasn't exercising at all.
I couldn't get my mind off what was going on at work, even in the short amount of time I was at home.
I couldn't sit still.
And I wasn't spending any time doing any of the disciplines I talked about all week.
I was on pure adrenaline...which can sustain you for a while...and doing everything in my own strength.
In retrospect, I should've done a couple of things:
I should've abided in Him through prayer (John 15: 4&5).
I should've abided in the Word (John 8:31) more that week.
I should've been using my spiritual gift (Ephesians 4: 11&12) by continuing the ministry I was entrusted to, letting the Board of Directors handle that stuff, instead of cancelling Bible studies and such.
I should've fasted (Matthew 6).
I should've been still before Him (Psalm 19).
I should've given joyfully financially to the ministry.
I should've lived my life that week as an offering of worship (Romans 12: 1&2).
I should've paid closer attention to my life and my teaching (1 Timothy 4: 16) by eating well, sleeping well, and getting some exercise.
Instead, what I did was do things in my own strength.
I ran on pure adrenaline.
I neglected my gifts.
I focused on me.
I robbed myself of joy.
I failed to honor Him by how I dealt with the storm.
And, isn't that the way we tend to do it? We scramble, doing what we think we have to do when, in reality, all we have to do is be responsible and trust God? It's Kingdom living in a non-Kingdom world.
That's the Christian life.
Turns out God was gracious despite my shortcomings. The I.R.S. worked a deal with us. The insurance company worked a deal with us. Our chartering organization worked a deal with us. Friday at 5PM it was over. We had a workable plan in place. We were faithful from that day forward, too.
I was exhausted (and if I'd handled it differently spiritually speaking it would've been cause for celebration, right?) and went to bed at 6PM that Friday...and I slept the hard sleep of stress relief.
Tracy woke me up at 8AM, smiling. She had known for a week that she was pregnant with our 2nd child but didn't want to add to my stress level.
I laughed. Isn't that just like God to bless us even when we're goofy? Nice reminder, God, that life isn't about ministry. Ministry is about life. And living it with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and self-control. And teaching others to do that, too.
All these disciplines we discussed all semester are designed for us to live this life in a weird, strange way--compared to the world's way, anyway--so that we can enjoy our time here by glorifying Him, and drawing others to Him.
It really isn't all that complicated, is it? So...for today, why do you think we resist living the spiritual life so much?
Brent 5:09 AM
Comments:
we resist living by the Spirit when the storms come because we are prideful. First of all we think that if we were really "good Christians" then God wouldn't be doing this to us. So we alienate ourselves because of guilt, or we feel that doing things God's way won't work. We aren't allowing ourselves the time to feel God's presence, so it isn't REAL to us. So we go on doing it in our own strength...and we suck it up every time.
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